On this fateful day, 18th may 2007. 640AM at tan tock seng hospital. My dearest father passed away. If you wanna know what happen, it goes likes this.
On the 17th of may 2007, I went home after school. When I reach home I find the house a bit weird. The windows are closed. Then I thought my father was outdoors so I called and shout out “PAPA” very loud just in case he is still at a corner of my house. But there is no reply. I went into the master bed room and find his books still there, half copied. I find it very weird, cause at 8pm he shouldn’t be doing such stuffs. He should be in my room online or in the living room watching tv. But then the house is still black black de. Then I went to called my mum, she say go to ur grand pa room and see if he sleeps in there or fainted in there le. What my mum said its so correct. I went in and I found my father lying there le. Then on the floor there are liquids like vomit and urine. So its so wrong cause he doesn’t seem asleep, cause I shout n shout and shake him he also no response to me. So I told my mum, she immediately tell me to call the ambulance.
I called 995 but they ‘kap’ my phone. So I bo bian I called 999. the police asked then I called for a paramedic and an ambulance. Around 30 mins then come. Then in the end my mum went on the ambulance with him. Its was so scary cause he never open his eyes or speak. :[
Then midnight of 17th my mother called and said my dad cant make it le, call me to rush down to see him, cause he cant be saved le. Even if he was saved he also will be a vegetable. Im so shocked. I ran and ran through roads and streets to get to the bus stop to take a taxi with my aunt. But she so slow, I was so scared of time is running out and I cant get to see him ever again. In the end we took a taxi there, rushing. He is still breathing but there is high blood pressure and his heart pulse is getting weaker. So we stayed, and slpt. Ard 2am I bui ta han and went back home. Because I had leg cramps due to sleep there on my mum’s lap. Then she went back with me too. Had a bathe and slept. Then at 3 am plus I received a call by the hospital saying that my father’s condition is critical le. We must rush down. BU XING LE. Then we took taxi down. Unexpectedly there is taxi in the late night like 3 am. I was so worry that there is no transport at this hour. Lucky right? We got there and knew that the doctors had no way to measure his blood pressure le, call us to see him for the last time. Its was like, so shock and sudden to me. How can a father that is so dearly left me, when he was alive and walking and talking in the morning. I still rmb that day I woke at 620, he woke too. Because I need to get Edwin’s lappy for him. Is it fate or smth? Then that morning is the last time I get to see him… conscious and alive…
The funeral wake lasted for 5 days. I missed lessons, missed UT. But nothing as compared to the pain of losing your dearest kin. Fatherless me. Widow mum. I told him, give me your strength, pass me your support, let me carry on this life for you. Be in heaven, look and shower your love for me there. Be happy, don’t worry, I will take care of my mum and myself. Just give me the strength to carry on. His smile is still there when we went to claim his body that time. Didn’t see that BIG smile on him before. I felt contented in many ways. Knowing he left without sufferings and smile. :D
But when I went home on that fateful day, 18th may 2007. I saw is books still there, opened, half complete… didn’t know I have to pack it and burn to him le… I cried, I gathered all his things and put on his bed. Even pens and battery. I cried… I broke down. I keep screaming in tears : “ BA PAPA HUAN GEI WO. BA PAPA HUAN GEI WO. BU YAO RANG TA ZHOU. WEI SHEN MO. WEI SHEN MO” that was how devastating it is. Then I duno why, I got the strength to stop crying and carry on. It lasted for days, even now. Even he was cremated, even I picked his bones. I nva cried. Duno is it the feeling that I felt he is still there just beside me. Like the sunshine everyday, the wind, the sky, the clouds, the stars and the moon. Represent him and his caring presence.
Edwin preferred to stay as friends with me… at THAT point of time. I wonder why. If u know your stead has just lost her father, will you tell her that you needed time for urself and pressure? What for? You didn’t even contact her much le. Drag a few more days then say will die? And he break with me on the 21th may, which is the 4th day of the wake. He knew that im broke down le, he knew my dad passed away and he added a blow. How nice of him. THANK YOU. :]
I cope. Without tears. No matter how heartless he is, or selfish. That’s life, if he wants to be it. Let it be. I will be waiting for him too. I hope he wont change due to her. Or go back to her…
I still love him. I still do. But does he? Can someone tell me he loves me too?
To Edwin,
I know I cant get you through sms. Or call. You said msn you will talk to me. But did you talk that much? No you never. As I tot after my dad’s departure you will be there to cheer me out, make me laugh, love me more, give me support and stuff. But you chose to leave me so harshly. I wonder… w.h.y? don’t let me hear your sorries, don’t let me hear that you let other guys to woo me. It’s a devastating blow to me. As I run through your pictures in my phone, your memories and stuff made me happy. But now your person like changed so much. The UTs finish le. You use to say after UTs we can spend a lot time together le. I have been waiting everday till this day. But whats the use. You and me as friends le, break le. And the time you will be spending with is not me anymore. Its her… 2 years… I dunno what will happen. I wanna cry. I wanna hug u, kiss u all those stuffs. But cant le. She will be the one to replace me ba… she will be glad that you showered your care for her. But I hope you still know my heart is still with u. hope yours is with me too.
From : jobelle. Not jo.
